Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
