I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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