we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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