Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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