Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
