Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
