Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
