I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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