: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I smell stomach acid.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
