Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
