He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
