Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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