so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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