addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
