I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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