i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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