The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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