Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize