hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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