Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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