I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize