Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize