Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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