From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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