I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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