This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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