My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
