where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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