I'm really into asian looking animals
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
