3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
