It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
