You were right. It hurts to walk today.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
