turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
