when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
