I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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