No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize