so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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