So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
