I want to have your abortion
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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