He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
