but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
50% drunk capacity currently
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
