another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
