A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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