I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
