grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My hand turned me down
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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