"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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