In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize