I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
