And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
