Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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