I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
