I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
