dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize