I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
