You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
