why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
