I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
