yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Two words: blizzard sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
