just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize