you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
