I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
