Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
