YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
