i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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