I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
