I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
