Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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