i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
