I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
