I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
