he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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