The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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