Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize