my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
