Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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