he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
