you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
