Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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