Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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