Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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