booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
