Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
