Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
