do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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