I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
