Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
